Sinister September is drawing to a close, and I thought it was time to finally reveal my side-hustle: Stormtrooper Couturier!
The Disney parks have had stormtroopers wandering the parks, interrogating guests and getting duped by tiny Jedi for years. But ever since Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge opened at Walt Disney World last year, management has had a sith of a time trying to keep all of them organized. They’re always wandering off, getting mind-tricked, and losing their prisoners!
Not to mention their terrible, terrible aim. My advice: always ride Toy Story Midway Mania with a stormtrooper. They won’t hit a thing and you will win 100% of the time!
Then there’s the trouble with stormtrooper fashion. Let’s talk about that! The Fancy Floridian has a bone (or two) to pick with the stormtrooper armorer:
- With all that shiny white plastic to keep sanitized, what is your budget for Clorox wipes? Do you think those might be better off going to schools or hospitals right now?
- Do the stormtroopers never need camouflage on planets that aren’t 100% snow? Because all this white seems like it would be a bit of a target.
- I worry about whether these troopers get any freedom of expression! You’re looking at a lot more defections than just FN-2187 (aka Finn) if you don’t let them customize at least their socks! Maybe let them do pin trading or something?
- Sorry, but no white after Labor Day *shrugs*
Last time I was at Disney’s Hollywood Studios I took these complaints straight to the big boss herself: Captain Phasma.
This warrior woman obviously understands the value of fashion. That cape! That distinctive varnish! She gets a 10/10 for individuality from this FashionEarsta (sadly she gets a 0/10 for her human rights record) so I decided to submit my resume as the new stormtrooper couturier directly to her.
I thought I could really give the stormtroopers a new uniform that–while still reeking of the power of the sith–was a bit more practical and had some fun, personalize-able elements!
Of course, a FashionEarsta’s resume is not on paper but worn on her head! If I wanted to make an impression, I knew I would have to do so with a dark-side inspired pair of ears.
Naturally, I chose to show my allegiance to the Dark Side by rocking my Disney Dress Shop Darth Vader Halter Dress, Loungefly x Star Wars Sith Trooper Crossbody (try eBay), and Darth Vader mask.
Finally, to demonstrate my dedication to personalization and unique apparel, I donned my Dark Side Interchangeable Ears from Aloha Ears Design!
After knocking on every door in Batuu and combing the Star Wars Launch Bay, I realized that Captain Phasma was going to be much more difficult to track down than previously anticipated. In fact, I didn’t see any of the sith or sithly-underlings at Hollywood Studios: no Kylo Ren, Darth Vader or Darth Maul! When I gently questioned an Imperial Underling on their Starship (while enjoying the new Rise of the Resistance attraction) he was less than helpful.
All I could get out of him was that their bosses aren’t in the parks right now and he was going to be asking the questions, thank you very much.
So I took it upon myself to start making plans for the stormtroopers’ new style without sithly approval. What’s the worst that can happen? When Captain Phasma and Kylo Ren return to the Disney Parks, they will just be pleasantly surprised by the positive changes I’ve made in crew morale!
Get yourself a pair of
Dark Side Ears here!
EAR REVIEW
What We Loved
Ear Shape/Size:
Because these ears are 3D-printed, they are perfectly round and just the right size. Better yet, they snap apart so they can be easily stored in even a small crossbody purse or Loungefly backpack!
Unique Theme/Style:
These are so Dark Side – all the tiny details are immaculate, and I was surprised just how many sith and sith artifacts they fit into one pair of ears.
Better yet, you can swap out one of the ears for a “light side” or “that’s no moon!” design from the same shop!
Wearability:
These plastic ears are super light! They stayed on all day at Hollywood Studios with no problem.
Bow:
The bow is interchangeable: you can choose your color, fabric, and sequins! Or go without a bow for a more minimalist look.
These would be a great pair for male FashionEarstas and anyone who doesn’t like bows!
Shipping/Packaging:
I bought these a long time ago, so I didn’t take pictures of the box they were shipped in. But they arrived in a hard-sided box and were well-padded.
Stitching/Gluing:
The only place where the glue was evident was in the detachable bow. Otherwise everything is 3D printed and very clean.
Who would love these?
Any aspiring villains need these ears! If you want to fit with the Imperial Officers on on Rise of The Resistance or just have a fun time pretending to “force choke” random stormtroopers in Batuu, these are the ears for you! I also think these are great for male FashionEarstas or anyone who doesn’t want a lot of sparkle in their look.
What Needs Work
Materials:
I love that these glow in the dark! Unfortunately, some of the small, intricate pieces of plastic on the inside of the ears is very bendable and I am afraid to press too firmly on the ears/velcro in case I snap one off!
The velcro is also pretty visible on the bow area, and if you choose to wear the ears without a bow there is an obvious patch of black velcro on the brown headband.
Pricing: $$$
All the components of these ears have to be bought separately, so you pay $30 for the ears, $10 for the headband and $6.50 for a bow. (There are also tiaras you can buy instead of bows, which run around $25). When break it down, it feels like you’re paying for things that are generally “included” in most pairs of homemade ears.
Headband:
Because it is just a plastic headband, there isn’t any padding and it did get a bit uncomfortable after 8+ hours at the parks. If you don’t have hair to cushion these, I would imagine it would be less pleasant. Also, they were out of black headbands when I ordered, so I had to settle for brown.
Turnaround Time:
These took about three weeks to arrive.
Where should future FashionEarstas be seen in these ears?
I’d choose a nighttime (or verrrry early morning) event so that the glow-in-the-dark features of these ears can shine. Try Star Wars Nite at Disneyland in CA or the Star Wars Half Marathon weekends at either US resort. These ears are so light and sweat-resistant that they’d be great for running!
Overall Score: (4.7/5)
These ears are unique and highly detailed! They’re the perfect accessory for FashionEarstas who prefer detail to sparkle, and they set off my Darth Vader DisneyBound perfectly! They’re a bit of an investment, but once you have the headband it becomes pretty addicting to grab different interchangeable ears to go with any outfit (I also have the Rapunzel ears and tiara!)
Get yourself a pair of
Dark Side ears here!
I hope that you found this review helpful! I’d love to hear what you think of this review, these ears, Aloha Ears Design, or who YOUR favorite villain is! We want to know, comment below!! Make sure you check us out on Pinterest, Facebook and Instagram, chances are you will see our ears in action!
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The Fancy Floridian
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